Today I am thankful for many things. Topping the list is that I work at an amazing school where my children are fortunate to attend. Yesterday we had the school wide Thanksgiving program. The three student speakers were impressive and their words heart felt, as each described very personal experiences that have left them full of gratitude. The program ended with a mob dance for all the kids in kindergarten through 6th grade! It was unbelievable! So cool. Today each of my boys had Thanksgiving feasts. They were cute and in each of their classrooms they said what they were thankful for. Colby said he was thankful for animals, bugs, and his family. (bugs? really??? They are NOT on my list!) Reilly said, "I am thankful for... EVERYTHING." Most kids I would say that answer was the easy way out, but Reilly is amazingly gracious, so I have a feeling he simply couldn't decide how to prioritize. Both boys looked so happy to have both mommy and daddy at their classroom parties.
It got me thinking... what am I grateful for? I, too, struggle to prioritize the list. I have happy, healthy, smart little boys who are amazing individuals. Each warms my heart in such different ways. I have a husband who continuously strives to work hard as a man, a father, a husband, and a friend. I have a father who raised me to be confident and strong, but to accept the love and nurturing of others. I have siblings who live very far away, but who I feel close to. I have a network of friends, both near and far, who are supportive, kind, and wonderful. I have a daughter, though still so very far away, who has already stolen my heart. While there are so many other "things" I am grateful for, the people in my life definitely top the list.
In 18 days the Ethiopian courts will hear Samantha's case. (ok, supposedly in 18 days, but that is a Saturday, so really, we have no idea when the case will be heard, which is totally freaking me out, but I am trying to remain positive...) That puts us half way between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I guess I can add that I am grateful to have the distractions of the holidays during this time of wait. I am struggling with my inability to control this situation, so I suppose distraction is the best I can hope for. I am pledging to focus more than ever on my boys - who are doing so well with all of this, but who undoubtedly feel a little inner turmoil over the addition of a sibling. I'd like to use the time to amp up my fitness level and clean up my eating (not so easy during the holidays!). But most of all, I NEED to focus on my gratitude. I am one lucky lady.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Little Time to Process...
I have sat down to write about 8 times, but inevitably something comes up and I can not start, or finish, whichever the case may be. Life seems to get in the way. I have been home for 3 days. Everyone asks me, "How did you leave her?" and seem to expect me to burst into tears. I think I was so happy to see my boys and my husband that I was able to compartmentalize and deal with the goodbye quite stoically. Now... not so much. Today, right now, I feel like I was punched in the stomach. Perhaps it is that when I pointed out to our agency that we had been assigned a court date (Dec. 12th) on a Saturday, their response was "it will likely be the 11th or 14th". I think Samantha's dad, who needs to travel many, many long hours, would like to know the specific date. Why have I had to point out so many inaccuracies since our referral (and including our referral!)? Why is that suddenly making me sad? I have been angry, but now I am disillusioned and sad. Maybe because I know that every one delays Samantha's arrival. Now that I have held her, kissed her, and fallen in love with her, delays seem unusually cruel.
I will back track to my trip. It was amazing! Jennifer was a great travel buddy. We spent 24/7 together for 10 days and got along incredibly well! She was a great photographer too. We arrived at the transition house and were immediately greeted by the older children. They quickly stole our hearts - lots of hugs and kisses and smiles. They were so happy to see new people (and I think they know that new people often mean treats! We were quite happy to keep this trend alive!) We played with them for 20 or 30 minutes the first day. It was sad to see that for the 15 or 20 kids there was one old soccer ball and one dirty tennis ball. I tossed the tennis ball back and forth with a few. The driveway has a fence on one side and it is only about 8 feet high. Apparently the kids kick a lot of balls over and they are not returned to them. We went out at lunch time and bought several new soccer balls, hand balls, and a basketball. We also bought a pump so future families can bring deflated balls. The look on their faces when we returned with the balls was priceless. We found ourselves in quite a heated soccer match!
The transition house isn't what I expected. It is a somewhat converted single family home (housing 70 kids!). I spent most of my time with Samantha on the front porch or in the small yard. She is in the 1-2 year old room. It must have been the living room in the original house. Now, the perimeter walls are lined with toddler beds (they were cribs when we arrived but they switched them out while we were there; FYI, the toddler beds would not pass American safety standards - they had giant bolts in the corners!). The front wall of the room had floor to ceiling plate glass doors. The kids would get excited to see us on the porch and come over and bang on the glass. It totally made me nervous. Also, the room had a fireplace with a marble hearth! It wasn't covered in foam or anything! It just seemed like an accident waiting to happen. I saw a few of the baby rooms (two rooms full of little ones, and then there was a room that was maybe used as the sick room - with only a few kids in it), and a small room used as the doctor's office. There was a kitchen and two bathrooms as well. I never saw the big kids' rooms - there may have been some sort of addition in the back.
The nannies work hard. There are a lot of kids and the nannies rarely are idle. In the toddler room especially, there was always a baby crying, falling, bopping another on the head with a rattle, needing a diaper change, etc. So they were busy. For the most part, I was impressed. They do pick up crying babies, they do give kisses and cuddles, and they do smile and make eye contact with the kids. I wasn't so impressed when Samantha peed through her outfit (perhaps because she was in a diaper at least two sizes too small - which matched her dress that was equally too small) and they changed the diaper, but not the wet onesie! Jennifer put her foot down on that one and asked them nicely to provide another outfit. I had brought 5, but I noticed a 4 year old was wearing one of the 2T outfits the next day. hmmmmm.
Our guide T and driver, David, were awesome. They were incredibly accommodating and helpful. We had them driving us all over - from shopping to lunch to picking up more supplies for the kids, (ok, or Kaldi's coffee for us!) they just smiled and went with it. I can't imagine us trying to navigate the trip without them. Thanks guys!
Addis is beyond description. I have been exposed to poverty. I have worked with the homeless. I have doled out meals at shelters. I have been approached by beggars in big cities. None of that prepared me to see Addis. Multiply all that you have seen by about 100, and you might be prepared. It is a huge city - dirty, smelly and full of smog. The cars are old and beat up (perhaps due to the bizarre lack of traffic rules and regulations!), but they are everywhere. I didn't really expect that. There are people everywhere as well. In every direction, you can see the tin roofed shanties (envision Slum Dog Millionaire) and it becomes understandable why there are people all over - who wants to sit around in that? So they take to the streets. Women with small babies approach the car windows and beg. T asked us not to give money, rather food (in the form of granola bars and packets of nuts), because some will just keep having babies to play on the sympathies of others. I will say that the people are gracious. They are not aggressive, but seemed genuinely appreciative of the food. The street kids make me sad - it was very "Oliver Twist". They would approach us, but there was always a handler nearby. I knew the money went straight to him, so it was good to be able to give them food that they could enjoy and benefit from.
I was very surprised by how global Addis was. When we sat at the Lucy Gazebo for lunch, we were surrounded by about 6 tables, and at each were folks from different countries. I heard German, Spanish, Italian, and what sounded like either Finnish or Swedish being spoken. T told us that in Ethiopia alone there are 82 languages spoken. This has me wondering - what if my daughter's family spoke one language, a different was spoken at the orphanage, and now Amharic at the transition house. When we introduce English it could be her 4th language in less than 2 years! I think sign language will be important!
Samantha is a doll. So cute. She loved hugs and kisses and really didn't reflect what I had gotten in her update. I expected her to be shy and withdrawn at first, but she really wasn't. By the last day she had bonded well and must have been confused when the fun white ladies didn't show up! She called me mama the last day and leaned in for an unsolicited kiss. Talk about owning my heart!!!! She was also much larger than I expected. She gets little to no exercise. (which, if you know me, is a scary thought! She will have to get used to moving around when she hits our house!) She is very chubby and has a gigantic belly. Of course, one day they let me feed her lunch and it was a big bowl of mashed potatoes. After that she got formula - the Ethiopian brand which is mostly carbs. Hmmm, perhaps this is what is puffing her up like the stay puff marshmallow man? I did switch her to the Toddler Formula (Target brand) that I had brought. I brought a dozen cans and just gave the Catletts 10 more cans to bring this week when they go to pick up sweet Daniel. I encouraged them to switch as many of the toddlers as possible. They need those fatty acids.
Anyway, I am rambling. It was a lot to process. Heading to Dubai for 4 days after was a mixed blessing. We needed the day at the spa, but the opulence was somewhat over the top and after Ethiopia, a bit disgusting.
So... now we wait for our court date - whenever that will turn out to be - and pray her dad shows up and the paperwork is correct. I have a bad feeling, given all the other strange mistakes, but I have to hold on to hope.
I will back track to my trip. It was amazing! Jennifer was a great travel buddy. We spent 24/7 together for 10 days and got along incredibly well! She was a great photographer too. We arrived at the transition house and were immediately greeted by the older children. They quickly stole our hearts - lots of hugs and kisses and smiles. They were so happy to see new people (and I think they know that new people often mean treats! We were quite happy to keep this trend alive!) We played with them for 20 or 30 minutes the first day. It was sad to see that for the 15 or 20 kids there was one old soccer ball and one dirty tennis ball. I tossed the tennis ball back and forth with a few. The driveway has a fence on one side and it is only about 8 feet high. Apparently the kids kick a lot of balls over and they are not returned to them. We went out at lunch time and bought several new soccer balls, hand balls, and a basketball. We also bought a pump so future families can bring deflated balls. The look on their faces when we returned with the balls was priceless. We found ourselves in quite a heated soccer match!
The transition house isn't what I expected. It is a somewhat converted single family home (housing 70 kids!). I spent most of my time with Samantha on the front porch or in the small yard. She is in the 1-2 year old room. It must have been the living room in the original house. Now, the perimeter walls are lined with toddler beds (they were cribs when we arrived but they switched them out while we were there; FYI, the toddler beds would not pass American safety standards - they had giant bolts in the corners!). The front wall of the room had floor to ceiling plate glass doors. The kids would get excited to see us on the porch and come over and bang on the glass. It totally made me nervous. Also, the room had a fireplace with a marble hearth! It wasn't covered in foam or anything! It just seemed like an accident waiting to happen. I saw a few of the baby rooms (two rooms full of little ones, and then there was a room that was maybe used as the sick room - with only a few kids in it), and a small room used as the doctor's office. There was a kitchen and two bathrooms as well. I never saw the big kids' rooms - there may have been some sort of addition in the back.
The nannies work hard. There are a lot of kids and the nannies rarely are idle. In the toddler room especially, there was always a baby crying, falling, bopping another on the head with a rattle, needing a diaper change, etc. So they were busy. For the most part, I was impressed. They do pick up crying babies, they do give kisses and cuddles, and they do smile and make eye contact with the kids. I wasn't so impressed when Samantha peed through her outfit (perhaps because she was in a diaper at least two sizes too small - which matched her dress that was equally too small) and they changed the diaper, but not the wet onesie! Jennifer put her foot down on that one and asked them nicely to provide another outfit. I had brought 5, but I noticed a 4 year old was wearing one of the 2T outfits the next day. hmmmmm.
Our guide T and driver, David, were awesome. They were incredibly accommodating and helpful. We had them driving us all over - from shopping to lunch to picking up more supplies for the kids, (ok, or Kaldi's coffee for us!) they just smiled and went with it. I can't imagine us trying to navigate the trip without them. Thanks guys!
Addis is beyond description. I have been exposed to poverty. I have worked with the homeless. I have doled out meals at shelters. I have been approached by beggars in big cities. None of that prepared me to see Addis. Multiply all that you have seen by about 100, and you might be prepared. It is a huge city - dirty, smelly and full of smog. The cars are old and beat up (perhaps due to the bizarre lack of traffic rules and regulations!), but they are everywhere. I didn't really expect that. There are people everywhere as well. In every direction, you can see the tin roofed shanties (envision Slum Dog Millionaire) and it becomes understandable why there are people all over - who wants to sit around in that? So they take to the streets. Women with small babies approach the car windows and beg. T asked us not to give money, rather food (in the form of granola bars and packets of nuts), because some will just keep having babies to play on the sympathies of others. I will say that the people are gracious. They are not aggressive, but seemed genuinely appreciative of the food. The street kids make me sad - it was very "Oliver Twist". They would approach us, but there was always a handler nearby. I knew the money went straight to him, so it was good to be able to give them food that they could enjoy and benefit from.
I was very surprised by how global Addis was. When we sat at the Lucy Gazebo for lunch, we were surrounded by about 6 tables, and at each were folks from different countries. I heard German, Spanish, Italian, and what sounded like either Finnish or Swedish being spoken. T told us that in Ethiopia alone there are 82 languages spoken. This has me wondering - what if my daughter's family spoke one language, a different was spoken at the orphanage, and now Amharic at the transition house. When we introduce English it could be her 4th language in less than 2 years! I think sign language will be important!
Samantha is a doll. So cute. She loved hugs and kisses and really didn't reflect what I had gotten in her update. I expected her to be shy and withdrawn at first, but she really wasn't. By the last day she had bonded well and must have been confused when the fun white ladies didn't show up! She called me mama the last day and leaned in for an unsolicited kiss. Talk about owning my heart!!!! She was also much larger than I expected. She gets little to no exercise. (which, if you know me, is a scary thought! She will have to get used to moving around when she hits our house!) She is very chubby and has a gigantic belly. Of course, one day they let me feed her lunch and it was a big bowl of mashed potatoes. After that she got formula - the Ethiopian brand which is mostly carbs. Hmmm, perhaps this is what is puffing her up like the stay puff marshmallow man? I did switch her to the Toddler Formula (Target brand) that I had brought. I brought a dozen cans and just gave the Catletts 10 more cans to bring this week when they go to pick up sweet Daniel. I encouraged them to switch as many of the toddlers as possible. They need those fatty acids.
Anyway, I am rambling. It was a lot to process. Heading to Dubai for 4 days after was a mixed blessing. We needed the day at the spa, but the opulence was somewhat over the top and after Ethiopia, a bit disgusting.
So... now we wait for our court date - whenever that will turn out to be - and pray her dad shows up and the paperwork is correct. I have a bad feeling, given all the other strange mistakes, but I have to hold on to hope.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Two more Sleeps Until I Go...
I miss the days when my boys counted the time until an event by "sleeps". They would mark time until birthdays, special Grampy visits, Christmas, etc. by determining how many nights they had to go to bed before they got to wake up on the big day. Two more sleeps and I will be heading to Ethiopia. How cool is that??? It is going to be a very long trip in terms of time in airports and on planes. I have tried not to think about that part! Oddly, the hardest part was getting a decent flight from NC to NYC. I have a crazy layover in NYC in both directions! I am still trying to figure out in country transportation once in Ethiopia. I am a bit nervous about trying to navigate my way. My hubby would be so good (and will be when we go back), but since he isn't coming, it will be me and Jennifer. It could be ugly! I look forward to taking pictures of some other AWAA families' children and bringing care packages. I guess I just have no idea what to expect on so many levels. It hasn't really sunk in that in a few days I will be holding Samantha. So many friends have told me how worried they are about me leaving her behind - and how I will deal with that emotionally. I have been trying to self protect by telling myself that it will help her transition to meet me for a few days before I go back to take her from the only world she has known. We'll see how that goes.
It looks like I will have internet access at the hotel. I will try to post. I will at least do a few facebook updates. Oooooh, I can't wait. I was weighing my bags last night. It is amazing how much 50 pounds of donations really is. It is a lot of formula and wipes and diaper cream, etc. The suitcases are jam packed! I can't wait to help them fill their shelves with what they need. :)
It looks like I will have internet access at the hotel. I will try to post. I will at least do a few facebook updates. Oooooh, I can't wait. I was weighing my bags last night. It is amazing how much 50 pounds of donations really is. It is a lot of formula and wipes and diaper cream, etc. The suitcases are jam packed! I can't wait to help them fill their shelves with what they need. :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
One Week Until I Meet Our Daughter!
On Friday, November 6th my friend Jennifer and I will board a plane and head to Ethiopia! How crazy is that? My dining room table is full of donations for the orphanage, but I haven't even thought about what I need to pack for me! The trip got moved up a week from what we originally planned, and amazingly, we were able to make it all work. Thanks to Doug for acting as our travel agent! I tried, but never ask an English major to work with military time, time zone changes, etc. I was so confused by the end that I had us on flights that wouldn't work! Thankfully, my husband rocks and is totally taking this trip in stride. He will have our two boys, our Finnish exchange student, Jennifer's high school son (for half the week her husband will be in China) and my dog Betty, who really only likes me and our little guys. He will have his hands full! I am going to have to do some serious grocery shopping this week or they will eat out every meal.
I really haven't been able to conceptualize what it will be like to meet Samantha the first time. She won't know me, and won't be excited to see me, but my heart will be bursting as I pick her up. What will that be like? Will she think I am crazy when I squeeze her close in the hug I have been imagining since seeing her cute face? Probably. :)
It will be SO HARD to have to say goodbye at the end of the week and come home without her, but I just can't sit back and wait any longer. I think once I meet her, I will be able to come home and really get ready. I have mentally adjusted to the fact that she is a year older than we originally thought (I think!) but I haven't really put that into realistic terms - such as wow, we need to baby proof the house and put drawer latches on, etc. Haven't done a thing on that front! Our sweet friends are throwing us a cocktail party "shower" on the 21st, which will be really fun. We are lucky to be surrounded by so many fun, wonderful people.
I just called Verizon, and since I have the world edition blackberry, I can upgrade my service for about 20 dollars, and then just pay 2.00 a minute to call home. That will be so much easier than anything else. I feel better knowing I can call home and talk to Dennis and the boys.
The assigning of court dates has certainly been slow. When we got our referral we were really hoping to have Samantha home for Thanksgiving. When courts didn't open on time, we realized that was unlikely. Then we were hopeful we would have her home for Christmas. While I still hold on to this hope, it too is looking increasingly unlikely, which is a big fat bummer. I was so looking forward to Christmas morning with our whole family!
Well, off to have lunch with Dr. Floyd "Ski" Chilton - author of "Inflammation Nation" and "The Gene Smart Diet". He lives here in town and also specializes in malnutrition in Africa. I am hoping that we can learn some tips for Samantha as well as ask what supplements we can bring to the other kids in the transition house and orphanage.
I really haven't been able to conceptualize what it will be like to meet Samantha the first time. She won't know me, and won't be excited to see me, but my heart will be bursting as I pick her up. What will that be like? Will she think I am crazy when I squeeze her close in the hug I have been imagining since seeing her cute face? Probably. :)
It will be SO HARD to have to say goodbye at the end of the week and come home without her, but I just can't sit back and wait any longer. I think once I meet her, I will be able to come home and really get ready. I have mentally adjusted to the fact that she is a year older than we originally thought (I think!) but I haven't really put that into realistic terms - such as wow, we need to baby proof the house and put drawer latches on, etc. Haven't done a thing on that front! Our sweet friends are throwing us a cocktail party "shower" on the 21st, which will be really fun. We are lucky to be surrounded by so many fun, wonderful people.
I just called Verizon, and since I have the world edition blackberry, I can upgrade my service for about 20 dollars, and then just pay 2.00 a minute to call home. That will be so much easier than anything else. I feel better knowing I can call home and talk to Dennis and the boys.
The assigning of court dates has certainly been slow. When we got our referral we were really hoping to have Samantha home for Thanksgiving. When courts didn't open on time, we realized that was unlikely. Then we were hopeful we would have her home for Christmas. While I still hold on to this hope, it too is looking increasingly unlikely, which is a big fat bummer. I was so looking forward to Christmas morning with our whole family!
Well, off to have lunch with Dr. Floyd "Ski" Chilton - author of "Inflammation Nation" and "The Gene Smart Diet". He lives here in town and also specializes in malnutrition in Africa. I am hoping that we can learn some tips for Samantha as well as ask what supplements we can bring to the other kids in the transition house and orphanage.
Friday, October 23, 2009
I am so lucky to have great friends!
I have the best friends. I really do. Some I have had for 37 years and some are far more recent, but regardless - these are some amazing folks. My friend Jennifer shocked me yesterday when I said, "Hey, I am going to go to Ethiopia in 3 weeks to meet Samantha (I just can't wait any longer), do you want to go?" and she hesitated for about 3 seconds and said, "Sure!". AND SHE IS COMING! How cool is that? Apparently when she told her husband Doug (maybe the nicest person I have ever met) his response was, "You have to go - you can't let her go alone!". I am so excited! I am starting to accumulate donations all over my dining room table and now I want to pack! Ooooooh I long to hold Samantha and squeeze her tight! Now I will have a friend catching the moment on film! Plus, Jennifer cracks me up, so I know I will laugh on much of the VERY long flight.
I wish the agency would confirm when I can go. It is getting very frustrating! I know they are busy, but since I don't need to get in line for a visa, etc. it would be nice to be able to book plane tickets. Of course, I would love a court date too... I have been a bit distraught about why it is that court dates are few and far between. Such a bummer! This part of the process is definitely hard. I had so hoped to have her home in early December, which isn't going to happen, but then I was REALLY hoping to have her home for Christmas, which is also looking like it won't happen. Soooo hard.
I read a great blog today about dealing with hair. My girl has a TON of it, so I am getting increasingly nervous about it! I know from my own curly hair that product is key... but the search is exhaustive! So much to learn.
I wish the agency would confirm when I can go. It is getting very frustrating! I know they are busy, but since I don't need to get in line for a visa, etc. it would be nice to be able to book plane tickets. Of course, I would love a court date too... I have been a bit distraught about why it is that court dates are few and far between. Such a bummer! This part of the process is definitely hard. I had so hoped to have her home in early December, which isn't going to happen, but then I was REALLY hoping to have her home for Christmas, which is also looking like it won't happen. Soooo hard.
I read a great blog today about dealing with hair. My girl has a TON of it, so I am getting increasingly nervous about it! I know from my own curly hair that product is key... but the search is exhaustive! So much to learn.
Monday, October 19, 2009
A New Week
Well, this week started off with a fun little surprise. One of my YG adoption friends put a new header on my blog. Isn't it cute? Thanks Gina! I am pleased to have survived last week and look forward to a new week. These next two weeks should be the last two of my totally crazy schedule. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, today Mimi is cleaning the house - a once a month treat! My dad comes into town to visit tomorrow. He still spoils his little girl and usually makes some great dinners, does the laundry, mows the yard - man, I love when Dad visits. My boys do too. He is so great - he comes to see them almost every month. They adore him. Yes, this week is looking better already!
A week ago (maybe even more?) I asked my agency if I could fly over and meet Samantha - knowing I couldn't bring her home then. It took them a few days to get back to me, and they said yes, but only with a travel group. I had hoped to go sooner - now it looks like no one will go until roughly November 14th. That is 5 weeks away! I would love to go right at the beginning of the month. I am so longing to hold her, squeeze her, and give her kisses. I want to let her know that I will be back and she will have a family that loves her. I want to bring suitcases full of donations and make sure she has what she needs while she is there! Why is it so hard? I totally understand the logic of the agency's thinking - they need to have a translator, etc. But... my heart feels differently. I am blessed with a husband who is encouraging the trip. Get out of my way and get me to an airport!!!!!!!!
A week ago (maybe even more?) I asked my agency if I could fly over and meet Samantha - knowing I couldn't bring her home then. It took them a few days to get back to me, and they said yes, but only with a travel group. I had hoped to go sooner - now it looks like no one will go until roughly November 14th. That is 5 weeks away! I would love to go right at the beginning of the month. I am so longing to hold her, squeeze her, and give her kisses. I want to let her know that I will be back and she will have a family that loves her. I want to bring suitcases full of donations and make sure she has what she needs while she is there! Why is it so hard? I totally understand the logic of the agency's thinking - they need to have a translator, etc. But... my heart feels differently. I am blessed with a husband who is encouraging the trip. Get out of my way and get me to an airport!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Holy Guacamole - What A Week!
Really? Seriously? Life needs to be this chaotic? Goodness gracious, I am going to be a stark raving lunatic if life continues at this pace - with this total lack of order. I may be the least "Type A" person I know, but sometimes, a little order and structure is needed. Right now, it is really needed. It is amazing how chaos has a ripple effect. I could tell no one my sob story, but if any one took two steps into my house, she would immediately know something was up. (or assume that I was now housing pygmy monkeys who had free reign over the place.) There is a full week's worth of "stuff" strewn about in every room. I walked into my bathroom this morning and realized the floor is covered in clothing - workout clothes for workouts that didn't happen, dirty clothes tossed aside before a shower, the boys clothes from their showers or baths. Normally by Friday it is a little messy - this is total disarray. I don't say this blaming the kids or Dennis or me, even. There just haven't been enough hours in the day to care about cleaning up. So... here is a little of what has been happening. Bear in mind, before the adoption chaos took over, I knew this was going to be a very busy week at work. Boy, did I underestimate just how busy...
Tuesday morning we get an email letting us know that they have evaluated Samantha and agree she is 18 months old, not the 8 month old we were told at referral. This wasn't the least bit shocking, given that it took approximately 3 seconds of looking at her picture to know she was not 8 months. BUT... the kicker... two weeks after we accepted the referral, we are told that we need to update our homestudy and our paperwork with USCIS becuase we are not approved for a child that old. PANIC SETS IN. I naturally jump to the worst of conclusions - this will set us back, how long before we hold our daughter, etc. We ask some questions and get a mixed bag of responses. The paper work "shouldn't" hold us back much (assuming our government processes it quickly and it gets where it is supposed to go in Ethiopia. That alone is a terrifying thought). BUT, our chances of getting a court date as early as we thought upon referral are not likely at all because the courts did not open when they were supposed to. Now, at best we might get Sam home for Christmas. So, it has been 4 days of dealing with that paperwork issue. THEN, yesterday, we get an email explaining that as of yesterday, the Ethiopian government has yet again changed the requirements and additional paperwork is needed immediately. Without, we assuredly will be delayed months. With it... well, no guarantees we still won't be delayed. I read the email on my blackberry, as I am 15 minutes from starting a field hockey game. It is senior night, so I have to do a big presentation for my 9 seniors and the crowd is quite large. My cell phone rings and I recognize the number as our Agency. It is our family coordinator explaining I must sign the paper from the email and overnight it to her NOW. WHAT???? Thank goodness, Dennis works with me and was 10 feet away when the call came. He looked at me and knew something wasn't right (I am sure I looked like I was going to throw up). I give a 30 second synopsis of the situation and we jump in a golf cart and speed up to my office, print the form, fill it out, and he is literally RUNNING to his truck to get the thing to UPS to mail. I start our game 5 minutes late, and we win. Thankfully.
So, that, on top of being in charge of the school's Homecoming festivities, and all my regular work has really made for a long week. I did have a great conversation with a friend this week, though as for the first time I really had an opportunity to voice a lot of my inner dialogues about adopting Samantha. She asked me, "Are you really, truely ok with adopting an older child? I know you wanted a baby." There is no easy response to this - it is certainly a loaded question. But here is what I have to say on the subject.
This referral in some ways was a series of errors. The orphanage should have noticed she was much older than 8 months. The transition house staff should have noticed. The folks at the AWAA US office should have noticed. My doctor picked it up in maybe 2 minutes. How could so many mistakes happen, if she wasn't meant to be a Ring? Then, I saw her picture. In one of the photos, she is incredibly sad. My heart ripped in half. She owned me at that moment. It isn't sad like I fell and bumped my knee. It isn't sad like you took my toy. It is an aching, brutal searching loneliness of a scared little girl who has lost her family. It is a sadness I will never know and my baby - MY baby - is in pain. It is brutal. So, to refuse the referall to wait for an infant would have made this whole adoption about me. And that one picture taught me more than anything in this 18 month process - and maybe my entire life - has ever taught me. This is SO NOT ABOUT ME. This is about a lost little girl with a head full of curls who needs to learn to trust that it is all going to be OK and that she has a family who will love her forever. So, yeah, I missed way more of her life than I had hoped to. I will mourn that loss. I missed the first tooth, the first steps, the first words. They are important, and I missed them. But I won't miss the moment that she finally learns that she can trust that someone loves her and will be there for her.
So, now I live in fear that delays will slow down the process even more and I will continue to miss important moments. That is hard. I fear she will get sick and not have the proper treatment. I fear she is sad and scared. I fear she is still being deprived of proper nutrition and vitamins. This part of the journey is downright terrifying. But soon, hopefully, we can begin to show her she is a Ring...forever.
Tuesday morning we get an email letting us know that they have evaluated Samantha and agree she is 18 months old, not the 8 month old we were told at referral. This wasn't the least bit shocking, given that it took approximately 3 seconds of looking at her picture to know she was not 8 months. BUT... the kicker... two weeks after we accepted the referral, we are told that we need to update our homestudy and our paperwork with USCIS becuase we are not approved for a child that old. PANIC SETS IN. I naturally jump to the worst of conclusions - this will set us back, how long before we hold our daughter, etc. We ask some questions and get a mixed bag of responses. The paper work "shouldn't" hold us back much (assuming our government processes it quickly and it gets where it is supposed to go in Ethiopia. That alone is a terrifying thought). BUT, our chances of getting a court date as early as we thought upon referral are not likely at all because the courts did not open when they were supposed to. Now, at best we might get Sam home for Christmas. So, it has been 4 days of dealing with that paperwork issue. THEN, yesterday, we get an email explaining that as of yesterday, the Ethiopian government has yet again changed the requirements and additional paperwork is needed immediately. Without, we assuredly will be delayed months. With it... well, no guarantees we still won't be delayed. I read the email on my blackberry, as I am 15 minutes from starting a field hockey game. It is senior night, so I have to do a big presentation for my 9 seniors and the crowd is quite large. My cell phone rings and I recognize the number as our Agency. It is our family coordinator explaining I must sign the paper from the email and overnight it to her NOW. WHAT???? Thank goodness, Dennis works with me and was 10 feet away when the call came. He looked at me and knew something wasn't right (I am sure I looked like I was going to throw up). I give a 30 second synopsis of the situation and we jump in a golf cart and speed up to my office, print the form, fill it out, and he is literally RUNNING to his truck to get the thing to UPS to mail. I start our game 5 minutes late, and we win. Thankfully.
So, that, on top of being in charge of the school's Homecoming festivities, and all my regular work has really made for a long week. I did have a great conversation with a friend this week, though as for the first time I really had an opportunity to voice a lot of my inner dialogues about adopting Samantha. She asked me, "Are you really, truely ok with adopting an older child? I know you wanted a baby." There is no easy response to this - it is certainly a loaded question. But here is what I have to say on the subject.
This referral in some ways was a series of errors. The orphanage should have noticed she was much older than 8 months. The transition house staff should have noticed. The folks at the AWAA US office should have noticed. My doctor picked it up in maybe 2 minutes. How could so many mistakes happen, if she wasn't meant to be a Ring? Then, I saw her picture. In one of the photos, she is incredibly sad. My heart ripped in half. She owned me at that moment. It isn't sad like I fell and bumped my knee. It isn't sad like you took my toy. It is an aching, brutal searching loneliness of a scared little girl who has lost her family. It is a sadness I will never know and my baby - MY baby - is in pain. It is brutal. So, to refuse the referall to wait for an infant would have made this whole adoption about me. And that one picture taught me more than anything in this 18 month process - and maybe my entire life - has ever taught me. This is SO NOT ABOUT ME. This is about a lost little girl with a head full of curls who needs to learn to trust that it is all going to be OK and that she has a family who will love her forever. So, yeah, I missed way more of her life than I had hoped to. I will mourn that loss. I missed the first tooth, the first steps, the first words. They are important, and I missed them. But I won't miss the moment that she finally learns that she can trust that someone loves her and will be there for her.
So, now I live in fear that delays will slow down the process even more and I will continue to miss important moments. That is hard. I fear she will get sick and not have the proper treatment. I fear she is sad and scared. I fear she is still being deprived of proper nutrition and vitamins. This part of the journey is downright terrifying. But soon, hopefully, we can begin to show her she is a Ring...forever.
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