Waiting in line is NO FUN

So, I have been really up and down lately, emotionally. Isn't it odd how quickly one's mood can be affected by another? Do you think animals are like that - does Betty get pissed off when Max, the golden retriever next door, starts griping about his troubles? I have NOTHING to complain about. Seriously, nothing. My life is so ridiculously good that I should be slapped whenever I gripe. But I am a sponge, and when those around me are unhappy, I feel it too. Is this unusual? Is it a female thing? Or just a me thing? I am totally and completely affected by the mood of my children, my husband, my friends, etc. I am easily swayed in either direction. I am for the most part an upbeat person; I am optimistic and look for the good, because I would much rather be happy (even in denial!) than unhappy. But when I hear the negative chirping in my ear long enough, it drags me down. This is especially tough when it is about an issue over which I have little or no control. I do my part, and if others don't, it stinks, but what can I do? I am bossy by nature, but I can't always tell everyone else what to do (or to do it MY way). Unless of course, you are my children, in which case I have no issue! Ha! Sometimes I wish I could yell - "Do the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!" to those around me. But, I can't so I deal. Watching folks take the easy way out is really frustrating. In the big picture, I do believe that "what goes around comes around" but in the immediate, I want to shake people and make them see how they affect others. Sorry, this is all somewhat veiled and vague. It is just me needing to vent again. Speaking of venting - where are the baby girl referrals? Seriously? where are they???? We have been number 5 for several weeks now. I had really hoped to have the referral before my girls' trip to Boston - so we could do some shopping, etc. Guess that isn't in the larger plan. In the mean time, we were blessed with a surprise email this morning from a friend - offering us their beautiful beach house for the weekend. So, the Rings are headed to the coast for some much needed bonding. :)

Ok, now I am humbled...

Have you ever been that person that was in a crowd and just as you said something slightly off color the crowd hushed or the music stopped... but you continued to blurt out something about your Aunt Edna's giant rear end... and then you just felt foolish?

I whined on this post earlier, having my own little pity party - since it is all about me, right? Then I logged onto the YG and saw that all 4 families with court cases today failed and my heart just broke for them. If they don't get a court date quickly, they will get stuck in the court closure and take even longer than the many months it has taken! This abandonment issue has really taken a toll on the families and children involved - and I really hope it is cleared up soon!

Stomping My Feet and Pitching a Fit

I am sort of bummed out that stomping my feet, throwing myself to the ground and flailing about while wildly thrashing my arms and yelling is no longer an acceptable response to disappointment. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled my boys are well past this stage, but on occassion, it would be nice if I could revert to such an instinctual response to the obstacles life often presents. So, this adoption thing - it is one crazy journey. Those of us Type A control freaks really get it handed to us on this one! My friends and family all know that while I completely give off the appearance of taking everything in stride, it is only because I have worked behind the scenes to completely orchestrate my life. You lay the proper ground work, the rest falls into place. Not so much in the adoption process. I felt moderately in control during the paper chase. While I did have to wait on doctor's appointments, vet appointments, social workers, the government, etc. there was always something to be done, so I could attempt to look at the big picture and move the coconuts so there was always something to do. But once the paperwork is overseas, it is sit back and wait and let God do the work. Now, I am a fan of delegating, but man, it can be hard.

Two weeks ago we discovered we had made it to the unofficial "top 10" on the waiting list. Now, I have us at 5. But the girl line appears to be moving slowly, as those after us are getting referrals for boys. In addition, we will now assuredly get caught in the court closures, which will add two months to our wait, post referral. (insert tantrum!) I am trying to sit back and take it in stride. Not feeling particularly successful at the moment and I need to vent, so here it is. My head gets that this is all about my daughter, not about me. But what about my heart, which longs so badly to hold my daughter - who is half way across the world and probably really hungry and scared. I don't like to be either, and I am an adult! What about her mom, who is either dying, or scared and hungry and knows she can't provide for her child. Wouldn't her heart feel better to know her little girl is loved by a family?

Ok, enough wallowing for one day. I just expected to get the call this month and was told by our agency that it likely wouldn't happen. I am feeling a bit put out, that is all. Poor pitiful me... :)