This adoption process has beaten me. As a self-proclaimed optimist who has always taken life in stride with a positive attitude, I concede. I am depressed, frustrated, and broken. I have been staring at a beautiful face since September - and now have no hope of bringing her home before March - at best. One might think that since a baffling error was made on our case, there would be some effort made to make things move a little faster, but apparently not. As we head into our court date on Monday, I am increasingly on edge and irritable. Now that I know that even if we pass the agency can't get us in front of the embassy until early March (again, at best), I am just torn up. It might have something to do with the fact that I finally boxed up the rest of the baby stuff I had. I also had to pick up a pre school application. How bizarre is that? My "baby" will be in pre school in August. And each day that passes is one less day with her. All of the winter clothes hanging in her closet will likely have to be given away as well. I also had to mentally rule out the spring break trip we were going to take, since likely we will have only been home for two weeks - IF we travel in early March.
I am tired of feeling this way. I can't even bring myself to send in update questions because it hurts. I am tired of people asking me when she will be home and the pithy comments about what a crazy long process this is. My poor girl has been through the ringer, but continues to sit in an orphanage because people can't file things correctly. And why is it the embassy can't hire more people? Clearly there is a need, so there must be money to do so.
I get that there are no guarantees in the process. I knew it would be tough. I knew it would be long. I hear everyone say it is so worth it in the end, and I know that it will be much easier to forget when I have Samantha in my lap. But that still doesn't take away the fact that it is by far the most inefficient, poorly run process imaginable. Sadly, when folks get home with their kids they are willing to forgive and forget, but then it never improves.
So... I am feeling a bit broken today.
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I'm sorry, Kristen. I can only imagine how hard this is. We had some really hard things happen in our adoption process as well--went to Ukraine and returned without a child. We ended up being in the process over 2.5 years, with heartache, before finally getting our two sweet girls. We had different circumstances and frustrations, but I can feel your pain a little. Praying for you today. And really looking forward to you guys bringing that sweet Samantha home.
ReplyDeleteDon't know if this will encourage you or not, but here is a verse I'm working on memorizing:
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! --Isaiah 30:18
Gina
Kristen,
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches as I read your post tonight. I am so sorry truly sorry for the struggles you are going through right now. We too got our referral in September and are still waiting. We did not pass court our first time (though for different resons) and are awating our second court date in Feb.
I will not say all the things that I know have been said to you already as I know that although they are meant to encourage and lift you up and are said with the best of intentions, they don't help at times like this. All I can say is that I am so, so sorry.
Holy Father God I lift up Kristen and her family to you God. I pray that you would bring them comfort during this difficult time of waiting Lord. Pour your love over them like anointing oil and fill them with a peace only You can give. We don't know Your ways God, they aren't for us to know, and honestly, it's hard sometimes to totally tust in that God, so please renew their hearts and help them to lean not on their understanding but trust in You. Lord I pray that you would watch over their daughter in Ethiopia and keep her healthly and safe. Prepare her heart as she waits for her family, so that when she meets them she has a peace and security and knows that she belongs with them. Lord your timing is perfect and I know you have everything already planned out for Kristen and her family and I pray that they are united soon. In Jesus' name, amen.
AMEN SISTER! You hit the nail on the head with your post.
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats on passing court- wow- your daughter is gorgeous!!