This adoption process has beaten me. As a self-proclaimed optimist who has always taken life in stride with a positive attitude, I concede. I am depressed, frustrated, and broken. I have been staring at a beautiful face since September - and now have no hope of bringing her home before March - at best. One might think that since a baffling error was made on our case, there would be some effort made to make things move a little faster, but apparently not. As we head into our court date on Monday, I am increasingly on edge and irritable. Now that I know that even if we pass the agency can't get us in front of the embassy until early March (again, at best), I am just torn up. It might have something to do with the fact that I finally boxed up the rest of the baby stuff I had. I also had to pick up a pre school application. How bizarre is that? My "baby" will be in pre school in August. And each day that passes is one less day with her. All of the winter clothes hanging in her closet will likely have to be given away as well. I also had to mentally rule out the spring break trip we were going to take, since likely we will have only been home for two weeks - IF we travel in early March.
I am tired of feeling this way. I can't even bring myself to send in update questions because it hurts. I am tired of people asking me when she will be home and the pithy comments about what a crazy long process this is. My poor girl has been through the ringer, but continues to sit in an orphanage because people can't file things correctly. And why is it the embassy can't hire more people? Clearly there is a need, so there must be money to do so.
I get that there are no guarantees in the process. I knew it would be tough. I knew it would be long. I hear everyone say it is so worth it in the end, and I know that it will be much easier to forget when I have Samantha in my lap. But that still doesn't take away the fact that it is by far the most inefficient, poorly run process imaginable. Sadly, when folks get home with their kids they are willing to forgive and forget, but then it never improves.
So... I am feeling a bit broken today.